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Through My Eyes... |
October: Knowing What We Feel
Oct 01, 2007
By Cornelia Spelman
Growing up as the youngest in a large family, I listened to and watched other people a lot. This made me curious about why people behave as they do. One of the ways I satisfied that curiosity was by returning to school in mid-life to study human behavior and to become a clinical social worker.
Clinical social workers learn about human development and behavior and are trained to help people solve problems through assessment, counseling and psychotherapy, advocacy, and referral and linkage to community resources. We also promote social justice and social change with and on behalf of our clients.
My education and training as a clinical social worker, my subsequent years of professional experience with children and families, and my own life experiences taught me that our emotions -- even those that are unpleasant or frightening -- give us valuable information about ourselves, others, and our circumstances.
Like the gauges on a car, they alert us to what we need to know in order to be effective drivers. Yet many of us did not learn how to recognize, manage, and learn from our emotions. Instead, we may have learned to ignore, bury, or run away from them. This blindness to our own "gauges" can cause confusion in our decision-making and difficulties in our relationships with others.
For better and for worse, we all learned from our parents, and our children learn from us. While we may not have learned from our parents how to acknowledge and take care of our emotions, we can improve upon our parenting by taking advantage of all the information and help available to us and using it with our own children.
Each of my picture books, though addressing different subjects, tries to teach young children and their parents, teachers, or caregivers how to recognize, learn from, and manage emotion. They also emphasize that comfort comes from being connected to other people, from sharing emotions, and from being understood and listened to. I believe this kind of emotional education is deeply important.
For instance, When I Feel Angry was written to educate children and their adults about one of the most difficult feelings to experience and manage. Learning to resolve conflict in ways that do not hurt others seems more important than ever. It is the one sure thing that each of us can do about violence, and the one sure way in which we can contribute to a more peaceful world.
Next month: Accepting Children's Feelings